I had my last clinical.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Self portrait.

Things with school are wrapping up. From the outside, I have accomplished so much. Two years ago I knew next to nothing about the human body. My knowledge regarding the reproductive system was up where it was supposed to be as a result of my natural interest in babies and my perception of womanhood.

Today I had my LAST CLINICAL! I will still have a day next week where I take care of robot patients and probably all of them will die but that's okay because THEY ARE ROBOTS.

This was me before clinical. It was windy but bright and I had done my makeup (mascara + lipsense + snapchat filter) for once in my life.
8 1/2 hours and four patients later in the rain... don't be fooled by snapchat filters, friends. 

My first day of clinical almost two years ago I spent 4 hours trying to get my vital signs done and convincing someone to take a bath. One person! Four hours! This week I took care of four different patients and gave them all medications and did all sorts of things. I'm growing up.

I'm getting over school. I am having such a hard hard time convincing myself to do my homework and to finish strong. I feel like I've run too hard for too long. I have a couple significant items to cross of my list for graduation and if those items don't get done then I don't get to become a real nurse! So why am I avoiding them?

Somehow over the course of the last two years I have become somewhat comfortable with my current situation. I am competent in my job. I know how to do school, as much as I complain. There is stress and anxiety but it is expected and normal.

Mandatory College Round 2 Field Trip


Still continued! 

And there is unknown stress and anxiety ahead! A couple weeks before I graduated Round 1, I wondered if I had made a poor decision in joining FOCUS. I wondered if I should have gone straight to grad school or taken a job where I knew I'd be in the same state or time zone as my family and friends. This round, the majority of my classmates have accepted jobs at the same facility. And I didn't! I always kind of have to do things my own way, but there is always a moment where I panic and wonder if I made the wrong choice.

Nine years apart, and we are both graduating this year! He'll graduate high school and I'll finish College Round 2. 

The advantage is that now I kind of know how I work. I usually take a long time to ponder things in my heart... or I make an impulse decision on something I just know is right. For these sorts of decisions, I spend months being excited about it. When the event draws near I become nervous-I have built it up so much in my head. Onwards and upwards! Things are getting closer.

She ran

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Lately I've really been having a hard time understanding the Father's Love for us and encountering Him there.

Last week for Spring Break I went to Florida and then Georgia to visit friends. Jess and I drove to Georgia, and it was my first time being there for almost two years.

When we got there, we decided our old roommate, Helen, was possibly in the (locked) church office. We rang the doorbell and peered through the glass doors. By this point, I had experienced a 16-hour drive to Florida (solo) and then a 3ish hour drive to Georgia. Helen came into the hallway completely on the other end.

She saw us.

And she ran to us.

One of us made a comment about the Prodigal Son coming home.

I don't remember the door opening up, but I do remember Helen embracing Jess and me at the same time.

Another friend (Jessica) came over. Helen cooked us dinner (I am hoping she'll open a catering business or perhaps become my own personal chef in the future). It was so so good. I truly believe that she would've killed the fattened calf for us if she could have.

That salmon was probably the best I've ever had.

Jessica, Helen, and me (awkwardly snuggling)

The next day I spent almost 15 minutes meditating on that event. It's really beautiful when our stories mirror those of the Gospel. Maybe it's more beautiful when God gives me the grace to see that.

Helen didn't stop and ask me about the state of my soul or how often I had been praying or any number of things before welcoming me in and embracing me. Helen welcomed me in and cared for me and provided for my needs without me even asking. Without me having to worry. Without conditions being met.

Jess, Helen, and me on a late night walk. The azaleas were beautiful!

When God sees me He sees His daughter in the same way. As much as Helen knows me, God knows and loves me even more. He is excited for my future and knows my capabilities and loves me dearly just where I am. He knows how hard I am on myself and He knows how to be gentle with my critical self. He manifests His goodness and desires that I know and experience it. If God's gifts are this good, how much better must the Father be?