Tuesday, October 14, 2014

***disclaimer: as my 25th birthday and impending quarterlife crisis approach I'm afraid these dramatic posts will be finding their way to the interweb more often than I'd like to admit***

Homesick forever and always is what I think this blog is turning into.

Today I went to mass and instead of cracking open my Bible to pray I just let my heart cry "Please let me go home. I want to go home. Please."

I've been back for how long? 10 weeks? 12?

I still don't feel at home at a church here, in a home here, at school here, or at work here.

At the same time I don't know what my heart is longing for because the Georgia I left is not the same Georgia now. People have moved, people have changed, people have grown.

As I put in more and more hours at my jobby job I miss my old amazing job I used to complain about. There are ups and downs to every job, and being a missionary definitely had both. I hope one day I'll have a job again where I'm not dragging myself out of bed in the morning and counting down the minutes until a day off...

(although I remember my life as a missionary... I remember the showers and weddings and birthdays I missed. I remember the holidays I spent away, I remember the days I worked from 7a until midnight, and I'll never forget the nights I stopped in the chapel, exhausted, at peace with the fact I had done my best and had nothing left to give)

Nonetheless, I'm still finding myself between two worlds: my college friends who are all getting married and having kids, and my teammates/friends who are doing weird things with their lives, too (back in school, in seminary, missionary, and/or still not really settled as they'd like). Physically, I'm closer to my college friends. Life-wise, I'm closer to my Georgia friends.

All in all, I still don't feel at home.

No comments:

Post a Comment