My Love-Hate Relationship with Busy.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

I'm trying not to be busy.

In high school if you looked at my planner, you'd see obligation upon obligation. School, yearbook, nannying, community theatre, high school theatre, and whatever else I could squeeze in it. I loved being busy.

College looked mostly the same, but I tried to see what was really important to me and tried to avoid things just because they "looked good on a resume." Realizing I had put my identity in the life of busy, I desired to slow down. Of course, I still liked my schedule more full than empty.

When I became a missionary and went through 5 rigorous weeks of training (imagine class days like high school + fundraising 100% of your salary + adjusting to graduating + getting ready to move across the country...while meeting the most amazing people. ever.), I remember hearing a talk about being busy. The speaker told us that when people ask how she is doing, she tries not to say "busy." Busy, she explained, means that people feel like we don't have time for them. Busy means that if there is something going on in their lives, they're probably not going to say anything.

I don't think I've been nearly successful enough with not being busy.

And as I've found my schedule depressingly clear, I have desired for busy.

But I think I've desired for more than busy. I've wanted meaningful relationships and meaningful work. And those are two good things. I don't think those are what really defines busy (sorry for the metaethics up in here).

I am wanting an ordered life-one that doesn't involve constant Netflix streaming-and I don't think busy is the answer, as good as a packed schedule sometimes makes me feel. I am wanting to be available to those around me, and of course, to God and what He has on my daily agenda.

And I don't think that's what busy will give me.

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