To Give You a Future and a Hope

Sunday, August 10, 2014

One week ago I was frantically scrambling around my apartment.

As a result of living in 5 different states in the past 6 years and not living in the same apartment for more than 9 months at a time, I've become too familiar with moving. I've become much too familiar with moving by myself. Sure I have the occasional friend pop in and help with a couple boxes. When I got to Statesboro I had a great crew bring up all the stuff out of my car in under 3 trips. It was beautiful.

So when my family volunteered to come down to Statesboro and help me pack and move I graciously accepted. I didn't realize how overwhelmed I was until I didn't know how to let my mom help me pack up my room. And then the next morning I realized I was so used to being by myself that I thought, "Okay, we'll go to 8am mass and then pack the car. We'll be done by 10." I completely forgot that my parents and brothers would want breakfast.

Which led to us my dad and brothers packing the car as 10:30a mass let out. Not a detail I thought much about, but since my apartment was above the parish office and my car was in the crowded parking lot... I quickly realized that the whole church would be watching all my belongings get piled into my car while I ran around in athletic shorts and everyone walked out of church in Sunday mass clothes. Not my finest moment.

When my car was packed and my parents drove off, I saw my empty empty room. I went downstairs into the chapel I prayed in everyday I lived in Georgia. I thanked Jesus for a great year. And I cried. I left the chapel and I questioned, as I often do.

I wondered. I felt my angsty, teenage self come out. I thought, "I have finally found a place that feels like home, and I'm leaving. I love the people here, and I'm leaving. I want to live here. Why am I leaving? Why am I leaving my friends? Why am I leaving the culture I love and want to be a part of? Why does everything have to be hard? Why do I always have to move?"

And tempted as I was to become angry and bitter with God, I was given a grace. I answered my own doubts and insecurities. I prayed. "God, your ways are not my ways. I know you have a plan. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

He has given me a future and a hope. Do things make sense? No. But I'm choosing to trust in His promises.

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