5 Years Ago I Got Engaged.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Five years ago today, my mom was sick. Five years ago today, she sat on a bar stool in the kitchen and told my dad and me what to cook and when. Five years ago today, we prepared for my boyfriend's family to come over for Christmas Eve lunch.

Five years ago today he got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him.

Five years ago today I said yes.

Five years later, I have no ring on my finger.

Because four and half years ago I looked at reality and made the hardest decision I've ever made, and I walked away from everything I thought I ever wanted.

I see so many people getting engaged around the holidays-Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's-and I just wish I could tell them that it's okay to say no. It's okay to walk away if you know something's not right. It's a good, admirable thing to look at reality and follow Jesus where He is calling, even if it is hard. 

I don't regret walking away. Some days I feel like I do-those are the days that I remember only the good. Some days I wonder why I stayed so long-those are the days I remember only the bad. I'm still learning how to see the whole picture (things were never all-good nor all-bad), and I'm still learning how to heal.

I am amazed at what Jesus has done with my life in the past 3 years since I've been really committed to letting Him work in my life. He's done amazing things in me and through me. I've grown in ways I'd never thought I would have. I've got to move halfway across the country. I've met awesome people.

And I'm excited to think about where I'll be five years from now.