Goodbyes are Getting Easier

Friday, December 21, 2012

The goodbyes are getting easier.

I hate that.

This May when I left all my friends and acquaintances from the last three years, it broke my heart. I cried every time another one of my friends left for home after graduation.

This July I cried when I left them again after fundraising. I even cried while I was with them, spending the night in the same room, I missed them so much.

In September I cried when my best friend's mom picked me up from the airport. I cried as my best friend got married. I wept the next day as my girlfriends took me to the airport. I cried when my teammate picked me up and I realized I was away again.

Now it's December, and I just finished a week in the KC. I said so many goodbyes without crying. I told people I wouldn't see them until May. Five months. This morning I said goodbye and cried. And went to Mass and cried. And said, "Really, Jesus, you want me to go back?"

I'm going back.

It was hard, but not as hard as May.  Not as hard as September. I'm getting used to the goodbyes. It's a standard of my life, especially life in the mission... constant change.

I know right now I'm not ready to settle down. I know Jesus has me in this constantly changing field, where only the next few months are always predictable. But staying in one place-getting friends, being rooted, developing routines-looks really attractive.

For now, I'll just be thankful my goodbyes don't hurt my heart as much as they used to...

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